Back in Grade 7, I thought it would be cool to enter the Junior High Science Olympics. My Science Projects teacher, Mr. Ashworth, recommended that Brittney and I build a cantilever (a architectural masterpiece...I may or may not have picotos of it...) out of 100 popsicle sticks for the competition (actually, every team had to build a cantilever and then have weights hung from it... There were also two other tests of scientific proficiency done at the competition...). I spent hours on the thing, adding a popsicle stick here and adding gobs of glue there. There must have been about 60 coats of glue on that thing...the rules said 100 popsicle sticks and nothing about how much of the sticky stuff!
The day of the Peace Country Science Olympics arrived, and cantilever in hand Britt and I walked into the COMP gym strutting our stuff. We got free t-shirts that were huge...it fits me quite well nowadays, and has Science Rules across the front in a font size that would make Bill Nye proud. Mr. Ashworth was along to supervise, and my mom was there as a science cheerleader.
The time came for the 1st event...we were to fashion a paper basket that would distribute the weight of 10 pennies so that when hooked to a balloon and dropped from a certain height, the pennies would enjoy a soft, safe ride to the ground. We failed miserably, as I can remember...but it was a stupid event, anyway. The 2nd event was way better...using various sizes, shapes and types of rock, gravel and sand and a funnel made out of a 2-litre pop bottle, we were to filter a cup of muddy water through to make it as clean as possible. The science people walked around and electronically tested the cleanliness of each team's water... Our high-tech filtration system, bottom of the funnel to top, held large gravel, then rocks that decreased in size and increased in fine-ness as it went up in layers, until a final top addition of sand. Our water was crystal clear and in my opinion clean enough to drink. We got 1st in the event... We had no idea what we were doing.
And then the moment of triumph. The Cantilever Test! The 3rd and final event that would determine the Gold medal winners of the prestigious Peace Country Science Olympics had come at last! The format of the test involved a written estimation of a mass that your team thought your cantilever could hold before breaking. As Brittney, Mr. Ashworth and I pondered and argued over our estimation, my mom temporarily excused herself from the cheerleader role and urged us to take a chance...and write down an estimated weight of 22kg for a popsicle-stick "structure" made by 11-year-olds. 22kg it was.
The highest estimate in the 10 or so other groups was around 5kg. Now, I don't know if you're aware, but 22kg is 48.5lbs. Roughly the weight of one of a 5 year old boy. Thanks, Mom.
As we watched the cantilevers of other teams crumble and crack holding 5lbs, Brittney and I stole frantic looks at my mother and slowly shrank back into the crowd. Alas, our turn came. We watched with bated breath as our sturdy little cantilever-the beautiful creation that had been my life for 2 weeks-had 2lbs added to it. We prepared for the worst...but it never came! Pound by pound, our little wooden structure held up. 15 pounds...at least 10lbs over all the other cantilevers...then 16...17...a threatening crack echoed throughout the gym...18...almost there...except not...19lbs...and CRUMBLE!!! CRASH!!! KA-BANG!!! It was over.
Now, you'd think we'd be the winners of the event, but... Turns out the point system was arranged so that the team closest to their estimate got more points than the team that had more weight but were farther from their estimate. A team whose cantilever held only a few kilograms was 1st...and Brittney and I got a special bonus point for our structure's extraordinary performance. We didn't even get 3rd in the event.
The conclusion of the Science Olympics came with the presentation of the medals and the respected anthems being played...well, they could have been. Though we felt cheated scientifically (if that's possible), Britt and I still held on to our remaining threads of hope.
"And GOLD goes to...Bob Loblaw and Jane Doe!" Not us. We watched as the two mini Bill Nyes walked on stage to accept their certificates and...wait a second...a $50 bill??? Grrr...
"SILVER to...Murphy Minnesota and Rhonda Romanus!" No money for them, but it was little comfort.
"BRONZE to... Hillary Johnstone and Brittney Hammond!" (please note that for memory reasons, the Gold and Silver recipients' names have been altered. But Bronze names are real!)
Thank you, thank you! You flatter us with your applause. What? We get medals? And certificates??? Awesome...oh, thank you!! We are the 3rd place CHAMPIONS! This is so unexpected!!!
That coveted certificate is still hanging on my bedroom wall at home...if you would like to see it, please schedule an appointment with my mom...I mean manager. I'm still a little bitter toward my mom for causing the Gold to be taken away from us...but that was 7years ago, and I should really move on. But some day, I'll return to the Science Olympics and claim the Gold that was rightfully ours!!!
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